tjandlily.com

Girlies Enjoying a beautiful Day!

It’s been a little long since I blogged… but it’s not for a lack of God working that’s for sure.  I just need to share this story from the beginning because of how cool it has been to see God work… to see him be clear!

If you already know the first part of our story, and don’t have lots of time, then just skip to the bottom and start by the *.

October 2013 we lost our daughter Nola 20 weeks into the pregnancy.  We were a little fearful that we may loose another, but didn’t want to live there, we didn’t want to live in fear.  7 months after we lost Nola we lost another at 9 weeks, Ava named that one Star, and was devastating for me considering this was our second baby to loose.

During this time we were living in California and the time was rich and full of relationship and God showing himself faithful in providing for our ministry, and family.  We were being forced to trust him within the unknowns and what felt like the depths of sorrow.  We REALLY wanted to have a baby before we left the country in August 2015, and so we continued to plan for that.  We got pregnant again but miscarried right away in September, I only had one more month to get pregnant and have a baby before we left, so we went ahead and tried again, and got pregnant.  At this point we were traveling across the country and even if I got pregnant I didn’t expect it to stick, and unfortunately it didn’t… I lost my 4th baby October of 2014, I didn’t even have time to be excited about it, but it did send me spiraling down.

The depths of my soul were being felt.  At the same time God felt big and he felt close. Even though I didn’t understand I trusted him.  God was with us all along the way, He would give us verses to encourage us, to remind us that he was faithful yesterday, today and forever.  He never failed to communicate and show us love, and when we needed specific supernatural words he would give them to us… You can pretty much read back through my blog and see that this is true, I’m not going to go into every detail here, I just want to give you the overall picture to remind you of how faithful God is to us!

We arrived back here in Florida November 2014.  I was depressed and knew it… wanted to move forward, but wasn’t sure how to do that.  January 2015 I went to a Dr. a friend had suggested to me…  Dr. McTammany to see if I might find out why I was having so many miscarriages.  He did 12 different blood tests on me to see what might be going on.  That was more than I expected to begin with, and I thought “wow, I might have some hope here!”  Wow… little did I know what God was going to do.  I went back a few weeks later to find out about the blood tests.  Turns out I had a couple blood clotting issues.  I have one mutated MTHFR  (blood clotting) gene, and 1 mutated gene of another type of blood clotting gene.

Really Quick:

[What is the normal function of the MTHFR gene?

The MTHFR gene provides instructions for making an enzyme called methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase. This enzyme plays a role in processing amino acids, the building blocks of proteins. Methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase is important for a chemical reaction involving forms of the vitamin folate (also called vitamin B9). Specifically, this enzyme converts a molecule called 5,10-methylenetetrahydrofolate to a molecule called 5-methyltetrahydrofolate. This reaction is required for the multistep process that converts the amino acid homocysteine to another amino acid, methionine. The body uses methionine to make proteins and other important compounds.]

Dr. McTammany had a few simple things I could do to get pregnant and keep my baby… large amounts Progesterone, baby aspirin, and a large amount of folic acid.  And right away we again began making plans to try for another baby, we hardly prayed or asked for advice.  I don’t know if you remember, but My friend Caryn, and my friend Joan met with me… had an intervention.  They enlightened me to what would happen if I went this route, what would happen if I took such large amounts of progesterone, and what folic acid would do to me (that’s another story, but it’s not good!), and the negative affects aspirin would have on me.  And at the same time realizing whatever physically was going on with me right now I would be passing this on to my baby.

Well… Joan let me know that God had been burdening them to pay for me to go see this Dr. Hunten in Melbourne, and burdened them to pay for all the supplements it would take to get me healthy again.  There is more to that story and what God was doing before that, like how he burdened our church one prayer night to pray for us specifically for our desire for another child (powerful night).  I didn’t want to do the supplements or go see this Dr. Hunten at first because it wasn’t in my desired timeline, but once the Lord got to me, I relinquished all my plans to him, and gave him full authority over this… I know that sounds funny, I mean… he IS God.  But when my heart is in a place to hear God THEN he is really able to work, it takes a lot of breaking down to get there, but that’s where I want to be!!  I told Joan I was 100% on board with her plan and I would do what she said.

*

If you’ve been reading then you know that’s when I started the 121 days of cleansing my blood.  I started taking all the supplements right away, I called Dr Hunten and made an appointment… no openings until June 9th, I was sort of bummed, but was trusting God!  I called a couple months later and found that she had an opening May 5th, so Joan and I went.  She looked over everything, and asked me lots of questions.  I went to the appointment with great anticipation because I knew that God was a part of this, he burdened Joan, he sent me to this Dr.  He burdened hearts to pray, He was the one working.  What am I loosing by expecting great things? We serve a BIG GOD!!!

She proceeded to tell me that the supplements (mainly methylated folate) Joan was giving me should fix my MTHFR issues.  She explained why the large amounts of progesterone would have been really bad for me, and proceeded to prescribe me with 50mg of yam based bio-identical progesterone to take when we begin trying.  She explained why Folic acid made by drug companies today will actually make my specific problems 10X worse.  And she told me about Willow Bark, and how it does the same thing as aspirin, but it’s much nicer on your body.  It would thin my blood, but would be better for me.  She said that these MTHFR issues can cause you to loose babies all the way into the second trimester, however Nola died from a knot in her cord.  She said my early miscarriages were probably a combination of my blood clotting issues and low progesterone.

With the supplements I was taking, she told me that it would probably be fine if we wanted to get pregnant then, but she also wanted to do some more tests to find out a little more information.

I went home and told TJ all of this news, feeling so much more enlightened than I was before.  We began to feel free and could see the glimmer of hope to not live in fear as we try for more children in the future.  And we could see God’s faithfulness shining through all of this!  Even though she said it would probably be fine if we got pregnant, we wanted to pray and ask God what he thought.  We didn’t want to make plans, we wanted to live in the Lord and the freedom that he offers.  So we said we would set aside a month to pray, and asked others to do the same.

We started out just asking God to be clear about all this baby stuff, and then we began asking him to speak through someone, and then we began praying for a sign.  Yes we desire to have a baby, but we desire to serve God within that!  We were praying that God would let us know whether or not we should start trying (or more like stop preventing).  We did NOT want to move forward without a clear answer from him.

So we prayed hard… for a month.

I went back to see Dr. Hunten.  We looked at my levels.  My thyroid is perfect.  My blood coagulation levels are guess what?!  PERFECT!!  Those blood clotting issues?  None!  Why?  I am taking the right stuff, it is changing my life, it is changing my blood.  Not only can I move forward with a healthy pregnancy, but I know how to move forward for the rest of my life.  All of my levels are in normal range…. some were high or low within the normal, but they were normal.  You know what Dr. Hunten said to me?  She said, “Your body is ready to healthily carry a baby!”  And I had blood work to show for it.

I remember back at the beginning of this when I said, “I don’t want to go the natural route, I don’t want to do trial and error with making a baby”  And here God gives us the real proof of my blood.

That was amazing news, and I couldn’t wait to come home and tell TJ.  Even though this was amazing news, we still were waiting to hear from God, he has spoken to us clearly before and we felt that he would be faithful now as well.

When I got home, TJ and I were struggling with communicating and you know how it goes, I started crying and feeling frustrated with him, he goes to leave to get something and come back, but on his way out he sees a package to me, and hands it to me, then leaves.

I open up the package, and it’s from my dear friend Gayle in Missouri, who amazingly walked me through the death of my daughter Nola.  In it is a beautiful baby sweater, full of lots of colors.  In the note she tells me that she began making this for me when I was pregnant with Nola, and that the Lord was nudging her to finish it and send it to me.  Then she proceeded to say: this is my “word from the Lord for you”.  Okay… so now I’m really listening!  She said “I think you should name him Joseph”  She proceeded to say that She felt certain that God had more babies for us, whether that was our babies, or little African babies, someone would get use of this sweater!  And at the bottom she put a verse.

1 Peter 5:10 “And the God of grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”

I called her right away to thank her and let her know I loved the sweater.  I fed the girls lunch and then put them to bed.

I sat down on my couch and read the card over and over and looked at the sweater, and all of the sudden it hit me, that this was God’s “word” for us, this is what we were praying for.

I began to cry in pure happiness and joy in who God is and that he clearly communicates with us.  I just get home from this Dr. who said amazing things about my health and where I have come.  And I get this package in the mail, from the Lord ultimately.  And it’s like God was saying, you know how that Dr. said your body is healthy?  He says that “He Himself will restore (me) you, make (me) you Strong, firm and steadfast.”  God’s like, “ya girl, I’m the one who did that!  I’m the one who made you strong, firm, and steadfast!”

I hold the sweater in my hands, and its so colorful I began thinking of Joseph and his robe, I was thinking about his dreams and all that God promised him.  His life was hard, but God never stopped being faithful, and God was faithful to fulfill his promises, just like he does for us… and then I realized that’s why Gayle said Joseph, because of the colorful sweater!!

The sweater is like a physical reminder, something we can hold in our hands to remind us of God’s faithfulness.  I love that he gave us that!  He didn’t have to do that, but he did!  He knows we are physical people and we need physical reminders.  God is so good!

My baby sweater to remind me of God’s faithfulness and my card and word from the Lord, from my sweet friend Gayle.

TJ came home and walked in the door, he saw that I was crying and I told him I wasn’t upset, but happy and he sat down next to me, read the letter, looked at the sweater and without any words from me, he also knew in his hearts that this was from the Lord.

The thing is… we keep making plans, to either try for babies or not try for babies.  When we made a “plan” to try for a baby just a couple months ago, God kindly rerouted us to go down his path, that path has been full of freedom and is bright as day.  One of the main questions we are going to get is, what if this is hard?  What if I get pregnant while moving to another country?  Shouldn’t I “plan” better?  Well those are good questions, because they were my thoughts exactly.  A couple days after we got our “word for the Lord”  I said to TJ “Do you think it would be better for us to wait a little while for a ‘better’ time?”  And he reminded me how clear God had been, and that it is on his faithfulness that we stand, and his word that we go back to.  So as we move forward with this, God will decide when we have or do not have babies.   We will trust him within that, that he’s got this.  It doesn’t mean that it won’t be hard, it just means that we have to trust God.  We have learned through this that we want what God wants, rather than planning for what we want.

I am on day 105 of changing my blood, and it is officially changed.  Praise the Lord!

Our Church/some amazing people put on a BBQ fundraiser for us the 30th of May, and it brought in about $3,300, to go towards our Setup fund. God has been good to provide, and we are so blessed to have such an amazing church behind us. Thank you Trinity Community Church!!

My Aunt and Uncle came for a lovely for a few days last week (girls weren’t feeling good that night for some reason)