Walking off the plane and into Dakar for the first time

I don’t know exactly have to summarize these past couple years.  We arrived in this country scared and excited and I felt a little out of my mind.  There were such adjustments that had to be made to my thinking, to my life, to my family’s life.  Layers have been peeled off and peeled off, and yet I have the feeling that God is not done yet.

Something that is beyond obvious to me is that I am so human.  I can see clearly that I am weak that I’m not worth anything without Jesus Christ.  When I stop to look at myself away from Jesus, I am rather disgusted.  I have to work daily at not getting too upset with my girls for their childish behavior towards each other, and then I have to watch myself to make sure I’m not acting like the child.  I have to be careful not to get sucked into binge watching netflix during the weekend because I don’t want to face that I might have to go out and talk to people in a culture that I understand better but is still different.  I have found myself in situations where I am just not liked.  I’m not trying to be conceited, but I’ve never really felt like I was super unlikeable.  I have been in relationships here that have taught me how to be humble before God and listen to his guidance, and to remember what I’m worth to Him, not what someone thinks about me.

who could ever get upset with these sweet faces?!

We put certain expectations on people and on situations without realizing it… and we can come out of it feeling like we have failed in a way because it didn’t go like we planned.  These two years didn’t go like I planned or like how I thought they might go.  But, I learned french, a lot of culture, a lot about who God is and more about who I am.  I can tell that I’m at a deeper level of need for the Lord.  At this point, I feel needy… I don’t know what I need from him exactly, maybe his love, to remember what I’m worth to him, for who I am, spiritual encouragement and rejuvenation, maybe a few worship services in my own language, maybe a few hours of singing worship songs would be amazing.  I have an idea of what I need, but again God knows that better too. I sometimes feel bitter that God brought me to this side of the world to live, away from my family away from my friends, and I am constantly asking myself how God is going to be able to use us?  Such messes of people who are gonna continue to make such cultural blunders.  I have known that what we are doing has nothing to do with what we can do for God but for what He wants to do in us and through us… It’s all him.  But I think I have a new level of comprehension (maybe just a little deeper than before) that God is asking us to be faithful and he will do the work.  If we can continue on this road and remember that he is good,  that he is faithful, it is him who changes the hearts of man, and who goes before us in each step, then we have reason to continue pushing forward and be encouraged in who God is not in what I can do for him.  No matter where we are in the world (if you belong to him), we serve a forever faithful and unchanging God, who will never leave us nor forsake us.