tjandlily.com

There is so much going on in my heart right now, it’s hard to know how to express all of it.  Healing is so interesting, and when we think we’re doing fairly well there is something else that comes up.  Last week I wrote a friend because I realized I was holding a grudge against her for something I didn’t even realize until I thought about it, but truthfully I was avoiding her!  How awful… so I wrote her and expressed my thoughts, we are now on the same page, and I was totally right about the fact that she didn’t even know there was something wrong, and so it was really good we were able to deal with that together and move on.  It was part of the process in healing from the loss of my little girl.  As I walked through restoration in an area of my life that was closely connected with Nola, I then began to miss Nola and felt desperately sad to not be with her.  How can we miss people we don’t even know?  I’m not sure, but honestly it felt good to miss her again, to remember her again… does that make sense?  I love Friendships and I love restoration because it means that both sides are valuable and that we can move forward in relationship with each other and with God.

So, I guess I forgot to mention that my youngest turned 3 on March 1st, I no longer have children 2 and under… It’s sort of nice.  I don’t have to feed them every bite, nor watch them every second, I don’t have to worry about them messing with my picture frames that are sitting out.  I don’t have to change diapers, they can take themselves potty!!  we are not yet to the stage where they can bath themselves obviously but that day will come too, and then I’m sure I will wish we were back here.  Penny is my delightful sweetheart, she LOVES to wear dresses, but only “pretty ones!” and ones that spin like a ballerina, if she wears a skirt then she refuses to wear a shirt, so usually dresses it is.  She is doing well being potty trained and never has to wear a diaper anymore.  She is sure about what she wants and always answers a questions with confidence.  She loves to dance and play with her sister, she loves to be a mommy to her babies and feed them milk with their bottle.  She gets frustrated when she feels like she can’t express her thoughts and then screams so we’re working on words.  She loves to cuddle with mommy and does so every morning, which I cherish dearly and never want to end!  Even though she’s 3 she still feels like my baby and such a gift from the Lord, she is so special!   She still can’t say her “L’s”  and every once and a while we will quote what she says back to her and she’ll just argue.  For example she’ll say “There’s a Wizard (lizard)  and then we will say “there’s a wizard?” and she says “No a wizard!”  and the story goes on, its just too funny.  We try not to tease her too much but it’s pretty hilarious.

Penny’s Birthday Dress from Aunt Helen

Pavlova cake with family

Watermelon cake with friends

Since TJ’s little accident life has had it’s challenges.  When TJ finally realized the extent that he needed to rest he has been resting but it has been hard because who wants to lay in bed all day?  And it has been hard to take care of the girls 24/7 while being patient and kind the entire time, so please pray for me as I deal with my girls and my husband.  I can only walk forward making good decision for my family with help from the Lord, honestly he’s my only hope!

occupying our time 🙂

I am so grateful for family and friends who are willing to help in any way.  The girls and I try to get out somewhere each day to get a change of scenery and hang out with other people.  We got to go to the beach yesterday

Beach day, and their Uncle Graham came with us! 🙂

and played with their friend Austin today.

These kids are too cute and too cool!!

Because I am on a gluten free diet right now I have been trying all kinds of stuff, I love a challenge in the food arena!!  SO I wanted to share a few things that I have been making lately incase any of you crazies want to try my recipe’s :).

Recipe #1:   Egg Plant Lasagna

I actually think this is my first time grilling anything, that’s amazing.

First: grill egg plant with olive oil, garlic salt and pepper

my home made spaghetti sauce that slow cooked all day

the sauce had our homemade italian venison sausages in it

assembling the Lasagna

finished product

finish it off with some garlic roasted green beans

Recipe #2:  Chocolate Chip, Coconut, and Almond Flour Cookies

These are them, and… Honestly they are amazing!!!

I don’t miss chocolate chip cookies cuz honestly, these are better!!

Recipe #3:  Gluten Free Swedish Pancakes

Gluten Free Swedish Pancakes

So… I thought that I would have to give up things like this but apparently not and these babies are PRETTY DELICIOUS!!!  I halved the recipe just for myself and I also added about 2 TBL of chia seeds and used regular milk, yum!

Recipe #4:  Paleo Thin Mint Cookies

The actual cookie… I should have baked it the time it called for instead I took them out 2 minutes early and I think they could have done with that little bit of extra crispiness!

dipping the cookies, I added a little extra mint to the chocolate because it wasn’t quite minty enough!

Everyone wants a little taste!!

All Dipped

Also Can I just say that sometimes I really want a Barq’s Rootbeer, it is the only time when I voluntarily put high fructose corn syrup into my body, but man it is worth it, at least I feel like it at the time!

yes!

Kid’s watching a movie during small group meeting

We got to have small group in our home tonight.

And… I’m on day 22 of changing my blood.

WHAT A WEEK!! Some of you saw on Facebook that TJ had a little accident, but we also didn’t totally broadcast it to the whole world.

TJ was working in his dad’s shop with a friend, helping him with his boat. Well, he crouched down really fast and basically sat down really hard on a steel saw horse in a bad spot. if you can’t remember what a saw horse is, there is one pictured below.

Sawhorse, The one TJ sat on was different than this one but you get the picture

He was in a lot of pain, and went inside his parent’s house to make sure nothing was bleeding… well when he got into a room and closed the door, he went to check for blood and passed out, and his poor mother found him passed out!! There were no puncture wounds on his body, so he went back outside and started working again… what a man right? I got the story later of course he would not tell me this over the phone, don’t want to worry the wife! He went back out to work for about 20 min and noticed there was some blood, so he came right home and walked in the door a little pale, of course I’m wondering what’s going on. I quickly realize this is not good as he is bleeding out his urethra, (we’re just gonna use that term for all of our sakes) He tries to pee and found that caused him excruciating pain… AND… this is the point where I freak out. I’m looking for my friend’s name in my phone to call her and I CANT FIND IT!! I start shaking and trying to figure out what to do, I can’t think straight, thankfully our friend Katie was right around the corner and she came literally within 5 minutes to watch the girls while I took TJ to the emergency room.

It took about 20 minutes to get to the hospital and when we got there we realized that neither one of us brought our wallets… oh my goodness!! We worked it out.

When we got into a triage room they made him pee again… poor guy 🙁

As it turns out they had to call a Urology Dr. in and a surgical team to do a procedure on TJ to figure out what was wrong, and I’m so glad that they did and that this Dr. came in because if they hadn’t come in he would have had a much larger and more complex surgery. He went into surgery at about 1:00 am and I sat by myself in the surgery waiting room for about 45 minutes, trying to not let my mind race… it did cross my mind, what if my husband dies tonight?!! The whole thing was a little unsettling, but I definitely could see God’s hand in it and that God was protecting TJ. The whole night TJ kept saying, “I’m excited to see how God is going to use this!” Right when the procedure was done the Dr. came to let me know, the bad news was that he has a big hole in his urethra, and the good news was that they got a catheter in, and because they were able to do that the hole would be able to heal with the catheter in, which would take about 3 weeks or less, and wouldn’t have to do any other major surgeries.

getting ready for his procedure

I was so thankful for our friend Katy who watched our girls through the night and the following day…. what a blessing she was to us!!

They had fun while we were gone! They even got to go to a strawberry festival!

This all happened on Friday the 6^th and we came home Saturday the 7^th in the evening. I got a good night of sleep Saturday night and really wanted to go to Church on Sunday, because I am encouraged every week that I go!

So even though I had a headache I got the girls ready and went to church.

Soooo… I’m switching gears here… we have been going through Esther at Church, and it has been correlating with what’s going on with us, how convenient is that? Well God is totally like that right?!

Last week we were in Esther 3, and I will just share a couple things that really impacted me. Tim started the service sharing an update on TJ and I, which was very encouraging, He was reminding the church just how big it is that they get to send us out this August! He talked about all that God has done in bringing us here, in correlation with their desire to proclaim God’s name, so he encouraged everyone to continue getting to know us so that we may be tightly knit together with them…. aaaaaah God is so good!!

I don’t want to go into the whole story right now of Esther, but I do want to share some of the convictions I had walking away. Ever since the meetings we were a part of, I have been praying and thinking a lot about what it will look like for us to move in with these people. I also realized that God has done so much to get us where we are now, he has given us specific convictions, he has lead us every step of the way and met us in low and high places… all leading up to planting a church in West Africa, and all that that entails. I am realizing that our entrance strategies and things we’re deciding as a team have everything to do with what God has already done and with what he will do. It is not disconnected in the least! Actually moving into this people group has felt so far off and yet now it is feeling personal and important. Through Esther I have felt like God does not want us to suppress our Identity the way Esther and Mordecai did, and that he asks us to be bold and honest about who we belong to… I believe he will protect us. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be careless or loud, but confident in the Lord to lead us and to guide our steps and our words. I don’t believe if we are listening that he will ask us to lie about who we are, but to claim him as our God and our Jesus. What does all of this look like practically? I don’t know right now, but I do know that God is working on my heart and getting me personally involved in this step now, and I love that God doesn’t want to leave me out! He cares enough to move my heart in a certain direction towards him, towards what he wants.

This week we have been reading in Daniel and the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. There was no way they were going to deny God and they were completely confident that if they went into the furnace God could save them AND they were okay if he didn’t, because he was their mighty God either way… I LOVE THAT!! And Who but JESUS protected them while in the furnace! When King Nebuchadnezzar saw what their God did, he couldn’t do anything but worship the same God!

This is what he said:

“How great are his signs, how mighty his wonders! His kingdom is an eternal kingdom; his dominion endures from generation to generation.”

I can learn a couple lessons from this story. #1 God is all powerful and if he wishes, can protect us from anything. #2 Because these three men obeyed God and stood by him, King Nebuchadnezzar instantly had a change of heart. I pray that in the future, If God asks us to do something that may be bold and look stupid will in the end glorify him and cause people to bow before our God, and worship Him alone!

K. One last story. For about a month now we have sort of been in the process of being interviewed by a church in Titusville, and I guess you could say we made it to the next level and were invited to come meet with the missions committee of about 15 people, to answer some questions and present our ministry to them. TJ has been at home resting doing pretty much nothing because he’s not allowed to! But he had decided to attend this thing and try to take it easy. Well after getting the girls and myself and TJ ready, we are trying to get in the car, and TJ realizes he’s not doing well. And after racing around the house looking for my sunglasses, I realize he shouldn’t come, so I say “TJ I think the girls and I just need to go!” So we go, TJ tells me how to get there because I don’t even know where we are going, let alone what I’m going to say to these people… and how am I going to take care of the girls at the same time?! So the whole way there I’m pumping the girls up, reminding them that they have to sit still and listen really good to mommy. I told them they were going to be my partners in telling these people what we are going to be doing, and why. They were on board, but I was still praying asking God to help me!

Well… God did, he was there and he gave me the words, and the girls did great! We sat at a long white table at the front of the room with a girl on either side of me, and the 15 people in front of me sat at white tables facing me. I asked Ava in front of everyone “what are we called?” she said “we’re missionaries”.  I said “what’s a missionary?” She said “Someone who tells people about God!” and I said “well that’s it folks, have a nice day!” They laughed. They also asked lots of good questions and I was so thankful to be able to answer most of them even without TJ there. It’s not like I’m incompetent with answering all these questions but usually if we have meetings like this TJ is the main presenter, but God was good and it couldn’t have gone better! I’m so thankful for the opportunities God gives us, and for his abundant grace in our lives!

And I’m on day 17 of changing my blood

We planted our first sprouts… so fun to watch!

TJ and I teaching sunday school at church a few weeks back

pretty girl on her date

Date with daddy on Valentine’s day

The girls each had their own “date” with daddy on Valentines day

Daddy reading Penny her valentine

Each girl helped me cook for the other’s girl’s date 🙂 such a fun day

Sunday night we walked into our church for a prayer and praise night. People were sharing scriptures through prayer, and reading through the word as we felt lead. Coming to the meeting, it just felt like an event that I was just attending… but as we came in and began worshipping God, I had a sense that he wanted to speak to me, and so I asked him to open up my heart to whatever he had for me.

“I wait for the LORD, my soul

waits,

and in his word I put my

hope.

My soul waits for the Lord

more than watchmen wait

for the morning,

more than watchmen wait for

the morning.

Psalm 130:5-6

Someone begins reading this, and I know…. I know it’s for me! I hear the Lord asking me to give him my plans. He knows I want another child, he hears my desires. I hear him ask me if I trust him? Lily, Do you believe I am able? Do you believe I am powerful? Do you believe I am sovereign? And as I feel small like a little child next to my strong caring father, I hear him asking me to trust him! It’s like he is saying please be patient and wait for me, stop making your plans and wait for me! I instantly become emotional realizing what it is that I am doing… this making my own plans once again. And my heart is beating fast, feeling grateful for my God who cares for little me in this big world.

Next,

we split into groups so that we can share our own requests and pray, I instantly think “Oh no, I don’t want to share what’s going on in my heart right now! My heart is just stirring, I’m not even sure what to say, and yet the Holy Spirit is prompting me. We pray for someone else, and my heart only beats faster. Everyone is quiet for what was only a few seconds but what felt like minutes, and I am not going to say ANYTHING… well… TJ spoke up and said “You know, we would really desire another child! I feel like we need to pray for this” I’m thinking, what? Why is he saying this now? So random… apparently not, the Holy Spirit knew! When he said that, I spoke up, and just shared what God was doing in my heart just moments before and what I feel like he was asking of me, mainly to give up my plans to him and trust him. So… they prayed for us. We begin singing more worship songs, and our Pastor comes up (who was not in our little prayer group) to us and says “Would it be okay if we prayed for you as a church concerning your desire for another child? … you want another child If I’m understanding right?” We say “Yes, we would love that!” Thinking, is this a joke? Three couples from our church were brought to the front. Everyone laid hands on us. Some people felt specific things they were burdened to pray for us, and did. Goodness… I cried a little throughout this time. What a big God we serve, and wow do we feel loved by our church, to be sensitive enough to the Holy Spirit and to each member to pray so specifically for intimate details of our lives.

God was doing something, and as we walked away from this powerful night I struggled to actually know what to do next. But what you must know is that we once again made a plan really apart from the Lord. We got new information and thought… we’re gonna run forward and try for a baby, and plan on a due date! Have we not learned? Have we not figured out how to lean on God? Goodness… I am so thankful God leads us, and doesn’t leave us in the dark to guess what we’re supposed to be doing. He has always been so clear with us! I just think we do not deserve this, and yet he just keeps communicating, keeps loving, keeps pursuing us. I love Him so much!

We have a natural doctor lady we go to, she finds the root of the health problem and works from the bottom up. She is also a very close friend of ours, she sees me for free as a ministry to TJ and I. I Love her! She’s almost like a mother away from my mother :). We also have this other friend who is very health conscious and does a lot of her own studying in the health world, she and I Have been getting together, talking about different options but I wasn’t really ready to discuss the options until God changed my heart.

Well The three of us women got together, and they basically wanted to convince me that the progesterone, aspirin, folic acid approach wasn’t going to be the best for me and why. I sat in my chair listening to all the information and explaining ‘this’ in the body and ‘that’ and how this works and that works, while fighting in my heart with myself just wanting to do this thing I WANT TO DO! I felt like it was going to be so easy!! I can do these 3 things… 1, 2, 3… easy peasy for my whole pregnancy, I can get what I want and move on.

What was brought to light as we talked, and as she tested me for several things, there were things in my body that needed help, that need fixing, and if I try to have a baby right now without fixing the root of the problem I’m going to pass these things to my child as well as make my own issues more serious than they are already were. My doctor friend let me know she has been praying and praying for me, and has been asking the Holy Spirit to change my heart and if my heart was going to be changed it was going to be him doing it! I wanted to run away the entire time, I wanted to go dig a hole and bury my head in it!

Instead of taking an aspirin a day to change my blood temporarily and create more problems, my blood can actually be changed naturally and actually fix real problems. How long does it take to “Change my blood?” 121 days.

I cried the drive home, and when I got home, I started sharing with TJ, and cried in his arms for a while. God was breaking me, and yet it feels right to be broken and trusting rather than confident in myself and not trusting… how odd! You know it is in these moments where my heart breaks for those that have either rejected God or havn’t had the chance to know him. He is so very present in my life and in my heart, there is no proving he does not exist, because he is sooooo Alive it is amazing!

So, this other friend that came with me to my doctor friend, her and her husband feel burdened by God to support us in this venture, basically they want to pay for me to “build my blood” in 121 days, and do what it takes to get me in a good place, they are even willing to send whatever supplements I need to Africa for me. What a good God we have! He doesn’t just say “no, don’t go down that path!” He shows me where he wants me and how he wants to provide for me!

OPERATION: Change my blood in 121 days.

We have been praying for confirmation that this is what he wants, but as I write this story I can see his hand in everything, I can see it clearly!

My tendency is to want some concrete answers, how will I know by body is ready? How will I know my blood is better? How do I know this is the best way? How will I know this won’t be trial and error with making a baby? My answer from God? Just trust me for today and do not worry about tomorrow.

But seek first his kingdom and

his righteousness,

and all these things will be given to you as well.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,

for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Each day has enough trouble of it’s own.

Matthew 6:33-34

We were at our Pastor’s house last night and I was talking to Kim (wife) about all this, and she shared some moments from her own experience, and how in the midst of her circumstances she was only thinking about herself, always wanting God to help her right now, and she realized she had never asked God what he wanted?

And it dawned on me, have I thought to ask God what he wants? What a perspective change! God, how do you want to use me? What is it that YOU want? We are only in a place of being ready to hear God when we are broken and humbled before him. I thank God for getting through to me, for breaking me so I can hear him, so I can love even more!

As far as changing my my blood in 121 days? I’m on day 3. As far as God changing my heart? The days cannot be numbered.    

making herbal blends for herbal tinctures! Africa here we come!

cooking tinctures for 3 days

Finished Product: homemade herbal tinctures.

I am currently on a gluten free diet (probably not forever, but for now) and am eating WAY more fruits and vegetables because of it!

visiting a farm

Farm day with friends and cousins

Farm day with friends

TJ has been making a roof rack for Del and Arielle’s car (that they will have eventually)

TJ has been working on lighting up our church, Stage one BEFORE

AFTER. Next is parking lot lights!

my pretty girl

We have a home group that we normally attend every week, however last week we got invited to a different home group in order that we could get to know them a little better, as well as answer any questions people might have about who we are and our missions Journey. Well… what an encouragement! I wasn’t sure what to expect, but God definitely had encouragement for me to receive there.

After having a time of informal questions and visiting, they wanted to pray for us, and so they asked us what we wanted prayer for. It was hard for me to just come up with things to pray for, so I just shared where we are right now and what my desire is, and what we personally pray for. The main thing we pray for right now is that the door will be opened to relationships with individuals in our church. And honestly I’m not sure why these relationships are going to be so important when we’re in Senegal West Africa, but I have this strong strong feeling that it is going to be completely necessary to have this base while we’re away….

And so, as they were praying for us, one of the ladies prayed out of pure understanding for the first time, that we really desired friendships, closeness and intimacy (in a good way) with these people, and so she prayed for that, while understanding herself what we were desiring. Wow, someone praying what I pray as well as understanding my heart at the same time, a tear began falling down my face. I am encouraged. And as I’m writing this, I can’t help but feel like this is a God given desire, and in time he will reveal why.

We so enjoyed my mom’s visit and ALL the book she brought!

On to a different topic, my mom came to visit this week! What a treat, other than Ava being sick, we have really enjoying having her here!! We had been counting down for about a week, so by the time the girls were waiting for their Nonni in the airport, they could NOT wait, they were so excited. They met her with excitement and welcoming sweet hugs!

making backstrap from our deer for my mama

yummmm

She got to be here and help with our “Taste of Missions” luncheon that I got to help put on at our church. All of the missionary families made foreign dishes, and the church memebers brought salads and desserts. So, Saturday we spent the day making Mafe, a chicken peanut sauce over rice dish, I was so grateful for my mom’s help! It went amazing, all the food was absolutely delicious!! The main purpose was to say thank you to our church for being behind us and supporting us!

So I told you that I had 12 vials of blood taken, and I was waiting for a phone call to hear back from my doctor. Well… last week they called me and said I had a couple abnormalities, and the doctor thought he could help me, but I needed to come in to hear all about it, so I had to WAIT!! I hate waiting. My appointment was about a week and a half out, but they said I could call every day to see if anyone cancelled, so I called on Tuesday… turns out someone cancelled at 2:30, so in we went. I felt excited about the thought that I might get some answers!! But also just curious to find out what they had to tell me.

I apparently have 2 abnormalities in my genetics, nothing too serious, but they did cause a little red flag to wave. 

I have 2 abnormal genes that create blood clotting problems, not major problems, but enough to effect a pregnancy. The issue is that the blood clotting may be affecting my pregnancies at an early stage. If there are any blood clotting issues, the placenta will struggle in the early stages because it has so many little blood vessels, and if there are little clots, even tiny ones it will basically just cause the placenta to be starved, and not be able to grow.

The other possible issue is the need for a higher amount (like 3 x as much) of folate, progesterone taken orally to maintain a pregnancy (if my body is not producing enough, it could end in a failed pregnancy) and a baby aspirin taken daily during pregnancy (to prevent any issues with blood clotting if that is the issue). Now I realize I am giving you all these details… If you are a health freak (well, like me actually) I want you to know I am taking all necessary precautions and am going to make decisions with lots of thought, prayer and research, and I would kindly ask that you not give advice unless I ask, as I’m not writing to ask for advice, but just to inform. 🙂

We Left the office, TJ was driving home and we began talking about our options and what we might want to do. I just felt scared and not sure what to do or feel.

But as the afternoon continued, I began to remember all the people who have prayed for me in this area, including this woman in church who told me she prays for me and my babies every single morning. I can’t forget that God gets involved in my life and he is so very intimately a part of my journey. Leaving the doctors office I didn’t really want to believe or trust anything he said, I think mostly because I just wanted to protect my heart… thoughts went through my head, like what if he’s wrong (he may be) and I loose more babies… I don’t want to loose more babies! As I consider even the thought of trying again, I feel scared. If you have had multiple early miscarriages, then you know what it’s like to worry every time you go to the bathroom what color is going to come out, you are concerned if this baby is going to stay in or come out too early. And so as we walk forward in this journey, we have lost the innocence of enjoying pregnancy. I don’t want to put my full trust in a human and just be made a fool once again, but my heart began to feel challenged, especially as TJ followed those thoughts with some encouraging words of who God is, and what he has done and how he has directed us even to this doctor specifically. So if God sees fit to give me another child at some point, I am going to need prayer for spiritual and physical sustenance. But as God walks with me through this journey, I have to believe that he has brought me to people to help me, that he has burdened people to pray for me, and he is not wasting my experiences. I do know that he is asking me to trust him, to believe in who he was, who he is and who he will remain to be, a faithful and trustworthy God. Even if I loose more babies, God will have been with me for the journey and met me in every place. I only say that because I don’t assume that just because God brought me to this doctor, it means everything is going to turn out the way I want, but I can trust that he has my best in mind, and that he loves me more than I will ever understand, and that he will one day replace my suffering with glory.

So, as we move forward we’re gonna pray and seek God, and believe him for the best. Thanks for walking with me on this journey, If you follow my blogs I want you to know I appreciate you, and when you feel encouraged, it just so happens I feel encouraged. Isn’t it interesting how it works 🙂

learning how to play quirkle

I apologize for not keeping to my commitment of updating my blog every week!  A few weeks ago we had the privilege of watching our 2 nephews and 1 niece, Levi, Judah, and Amelie while their mom and dad went away on a cruise.  It was our utter and complete pleasure to help Kyle and Cherie in this way, however everyone in our house got sick that week, and so there was not much sleep to be had nor was there much time to write my blog.

The Gang

TJ and I have been trying to figure out what life looks like right now here in Port St. John, and with our church Trinity Community Church.  Our desire is to get to know our church and it has felt difficult, yet I feel like we have turned a corner.  I have noticed that we are actually getting to know people.  There is a couple people that I feel completely comfortable inviting myself over (you know you’ve got something when you can do that).  As we continue to stick our necks out we are enjoying building relationships with our church family.

I have realized something important.  Our goal and desire is to follow God, and right now we are following him to Africa… for the soul purpose of giving people the opportunity to have a personal relationship with our almighty God.  Satan doesn’t like that.  So will we find opposition?  Yes.

Our Florida Sending Church

So yesterday we had the incredible opportunity to take an entire service to share with our home church WHO we are, WHY we’re “GOING” and, WHAT we’re going to be doing.  We got to share a lot of the things God has done in our own personal lives, which makes it possible for people to actually relate to us.  We also were able to give people a good understanding of what missions looks like for us.  Is this something Satan wants us to communicate clearly?  No.

We painted Africa and Senegal on our Wall since we are going to be needing to paint it anyway.

So, what did the week prior to speaking look like?  CRAZY!!!  Supposedly it was a fairly normal week, but we had some finishing touches to do on our presentation as well as some extra things we wanted to make sure happened.  Our heads felt cloudy, our time seemed to dissolve.  Our marriage felt as though it was suffering, our girls were a little more crazy and disobedient than normal.

When we brought our slideshow to church to enter into the computer the Thursday before, the pictures ended up not being saved, and we had to re-enter them another day.  We were feeling discouraged finding out a lot of people weren’t going to be making it.  All week I was calling Wycliff trying to find the 60 page long list of the 2,500 unreached people groups, they kept transferring me to the wrong department and didn’t get to me until Friday.   So we went to Sanford to New Tribes headquarters where they said it was for sale in the bookstore, turns out it wasn’t what I thought.  Finally someone from Wycliff called me back and said they had it… yaaaaaay!  After TJ fixed our tire that had a screw in it, we ended up driving from Sanford to Wycliff to pick it up.  The main reason for getting it was to give a visual of how many people there really are without God’s word.

By the end of the week we recognized that our family was under spiritual attack.  My main realization was that we NEED to rely on God, and that this is totally and completely impossible without him!  Wow, I think this was the first time it has sunk in so deep.  If we are being attacked here and now through these small things, just think how our family will be attacked in a foreign land, the Devil will always find some way to come up against us. What is the solution?  Jesus.  Yes… Jesus.

I shared with a friend from church some of our struggles of the week, right away she felt that she needed to send me this verse…. Thank you God for the body of Christ and for the way you speak to us!

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Sunday morning we arrived at church safe and sound, we set up our Africa table, our cameras to record the service for those who missed it… And we shared our heart, our story and what we’re going to be doing.  I definitely feel like the church connected with us, and related with us.  I think they have a better idea of what it means to be a sending church and to truly fill that role.  I think they have a better understanding of what it means to take the gospel to the nations.  At the end of the day I couldn’t help but feel like the principality and powers of darkness were just a little defeated.  But when it was all said and done, it was tiring NOT relying on God, if I was to do this last week over again, I would have gone before the Lord a lot more intensely.  But because God is God he still got the message across he wanted people to get, and He prevailed.  God prevailed.

Pray with us as we continue to share our hearts and our ministry that God will be burdening people for us, and for what we’re doing!

Ava’s been going to gymnastics class, which she LOVES!!

12 vials of blood…. Waiting patiently for results

Happy 2015!!  This is the year we leave for Africa!!  This is one of those times where I literally feel like we moved into the next year and into a new season, a season I look forward to, as I also look forward to moving on from the season behind me!!  Yaaay for new seasons of life!  I know moving to Senegal (in 7 MONTHS!!!) is going to be hard, but I am looking forward to a different kind of hard if you know what I mean!

This past Sunday was our first Sunday being on the schedule for children’s ministry, and  actually getting to serve through teaching Ava and Penny’s Sunday school class!!  It feels good to be a part of the church in this way!

This week we made caramels and fudge for supporters on this side of the country and distributed them all (accept for 2), including some mailed and most just hand delivered. It always feels good to complete a project, especially one where we thank the people who stand behind us in prayer and money support so we can actually go and bring the gospel to an unreached nation! It’s hard to know how to thank all of those that are supporting us with prayer, because we don’t always know who is doing that. I do know that when money comes out of my account every month to support a missionary I am inclined to pray for them, so as we thank the financial supporters for giving we are also thanking them for support in prayer. If you are committed to praying for us, THANK YOU!!!  I 100% believe God is using you greatly in our lives because we need an army of prayer warriors as we walk into a literal battle ground of spiritual warfare!

Just the other day I was sharing with TJ some areas that I’m struggling with in the partnership development stage. One of the main things we’re doing right now is getting to know our home church family. I’m normally pretty good at jumping out there and getting to know people, but recently I have found that I am struggling and feeling uncomfortable and am loosing site of how we’re supposed to be doing this. Do I invite people over? Who do I invite over first?  What do we talk about?  Do we share our story like we normally do?  I’m afraid of talking too much about my self! What if everyone just thinks we want money?! (No we want God to do the burdening, and we just want to know you better)
Why am I coming up with all these things that I haven’t struggled with before?!

Granted it is hard to stick your neck out there and get to know people, but this time feels harder!!

So I stop.
Why am I feeling this way?! Maybe the enemy? Okay… Satan stop telling me lies! Stop telling me that my story isn’t important and that people don’t want to hear it!! Stop telling me that people don’t want to get to know me!! Stop telling me that we can’t do this!

So I am reminded once again, God has called us so specifically and clearly to follow Him to West Africa. He has made every step so abundantly clear! So as we are here and feeling doubt as to how to step forward, I am reminded to have confidence in the God who draws men to himself, in the God who burdens us for specific tasks, who WILL continue to burden people for us and for our ministry.

So I can confidently stick my neck out in our church and get to know people, but I would ask for your prayer, Warriors!! … That if there are walls up of confusion about who we are and why we want to get to know them, that those walls would be torn down, that they would also stick their necks out and that relationships would develop and be strong, so that together, as senders, prayers, spiritual encouragers, financial givers, and as ‘goers’ we can together reach a group of people with Christ that did not previously have the chance to know him!

The task is big, let’s not let the devil get in the way, because in our world and in our hearts he has already been defeated, he does not have a place here!

Girls with their cousin Ella

It’s been a really good week!! Christmas Eve we spent with TJ’s big family where all The siblings and spouses were able to attend. We started with some amazing appetizers including cheeses and summer sausages and lobster dip. Dinner consisted of the biggest prime rib I’ve ever seen, along with some pretty incredible sides. I made a homemade green bean casserole, pumpkin pie and chocolate pecan pie.

Chocolate Pecan Pie

Pumpkin Pie

We picked names this year, so after dinner each family gave their gifts and watched everyone as they opened their gift! I was surprised by a present given to me by my sister in law Helen in California. I was handed her gift and when opening, saw that it was a brand spank’n new Vera Bradley purse!! That just so happens to match all the coral accessories and colors of clothes I’ve been acquiring! Probably one of my favorite and surprising gifts!! :-))

My purse from my sister Helen

I got some fun items from my mother inlaw (she picked my name). TJ got some new flip flops, Ava was ecstatic to receive a big book of princess stories, she sits and looks at it for hours. Penny was my favorite response, Aunt Leah made her two of the “spinniest” skirts I’ve ever seen, and she couldn’t control her excitement when she realized the extent of what these skirts can really do!! Very fun!

Sweet Penny

Girls on Christmas Eve

The day before Christmas I spent extra time preparing for Christmas Day so that I wouldn’t have to cook all day on Christmas, because in case you weren’t aware, delicious food is very important and necessary!! I made a few pies this Christmas and so I want to give you a tip. A few weeks ago I learned from TJ’s sister Leah how to properly make a pie crust, the key? At LEAST pea sized (cold, cold) butter AND cooling the crust in saran wrap for an hour in the fridge, before rolling out! I’ve always been lazy with just rolling it out right away and I’ve always cut the butter too small. It turns out these steps REALLY MATTER!! I now make the flakiest pie crusts I’ve ever had in my life!!

I felt giddy like a chilld for Christmas morning!! But more excited for my family members to open their gifts! Christmas morning the girls got up and snuggled with TJ and I, then we all came out to open our stockings which were full by the tree.

Stockings

Ava and Penny began pulling items out of their stockings, socks and princess underwear, Penny was so interested in what was going on around her she was forgetting to open the rest of her stocking and Ava was so anxious to go put all her new items “away”, we kept telling her to at least finish opening her stocking! :-)). Funny girls!

Christmas Breakfast

After stockings we ate a yummy breakfast consisting of my family Christmas crustless quiche, and Kristiana Kringler (a Swedish almond flavored pastry), and of course some delicious Trader Joes Coffee.

Family Breakfast

After breakfast we proceeded to open our gifts one at a time. TJ’s favorite gift was an aero press coffee maker and I was excited about my picnic basket and pioneer woman holiday cook book! It was fun to watch the girls open their stools TJ made for them, Penny then opened all her gifts while sitting on the stool, even if it was difficult she was either going to sit or stand on the stool to open her gifts!! 🙂
When all the gifts were opened Penny began to cry because their were no more!! I laughed a little because it just shows how spoiled we are as people who a truly blessed to even be able to give and receive gifts.

After our morning festivities we visited family, Ava and Penny’s cousins Ella, Django, and Evelyn for about an hour, came back, and put the girls down for a nap. We had a delicious dinner of cedar planked salmon, smashed roasted Thyme potatoes, bacon maple glazed brussel sprouts and asparagus, and for dessert a french silk pie.

Hi Family!

Christmas Dinner: Cedar plank Salmon, asparagus, boiled smashed roasted potatoes, and bacon maple glazed brusel sprouts.

Dinner

It was fun to have Christmas to ourselves this year. Usually we are with all kinds of people Christmas Day but this time we got to just be a family, I felt blessed!! It is also fun to think about having Christmas in Africa next year, probably with my brother Del and his family!

This past Sunday was our last Sunday in Romans, and our church has been going through it for a year and a half. There were a couple points that challenged me in my own life right now. Romans 16:25 the very first line says “now to him who is able”
And the question was asked: Am I absolutely convinced that God is able?
Gosh. . . . . . I don’t know!!
After experiencing the loss of my daughter and having to bury her in the ground and then asking God for a miracle in another baby and having him say no and experiencing not one, not two, but three more miscarriages, while asking God each time to protect and grow my baby strong and healthy!
(Just to clarify I’m not looking for pity here, just sharing my thoughts and heart)
I have several close friends who are pregnant right now, and I pray for them and their babies… The same prayer! But what is it doing? Do I believe that God is able? And so I reconsider, maybe I’m praying the wrong prayer. And as the sermon went on, more of God was revealed to me, it turns out it’s not what God can do for us, it’s how we can glorify him. Hhhmmmm… I have chills even now realizing what that means!

The previous question continued on to a different question: Do I believe God is able to strengthen me?
Yes I believe that! And all of the sudden, yes I do feel strong in him, able to walk through trials, able to give him glory not because of me but because He is in me and He is able to give me strength. Yes.

Rom 5:1 “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God ”
And to hear this one again was so good and always puts this life into perspective
Romans 8:18 “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”
{big sigh of relief}

I do feel like I’ve made a step forward in making an appointment with a doctor who may be able to figure out what is going on with my multiple miscarriages… Things I need to do, but are hard to do.

I am so thankful I know God!

Penny and Daddy hang’n out on the couch

What a good message we had in church this week!!
It was about Jesus and the 3 main points were:
“GOD with us”
“God WITH us”
“God with US”
Pastor Tim hit the hammer on the head as he brought to us the seriousness of what it meant to have Jesus in our midst.

He went over the tabernacle in the dessert with the Israelites and how God would meet them in “the tent of meeting”. And how everyone watched closely as Moses went in, because when he met with God a great cloud hovered over the tabernacle as the presence of God rested there.

When God came to us, he wasn’t just coming in a cloud on the tabernacle, he was coming to live among us.
God wants a relationship with his people!

The fact is that the creator of the universe came in human flesh.
God had more in mind than to amaze us, He Had more in mind than to dwell with is.
He came to save us!!

His ultimate goal was to wow us by saving us from our sin. The reason he came was to dwell among us to die, and so that we might know him.

Israel was completely undeserving of God’s presence, as well as we are and yet he came because he Loves us!

He lived perfectly without sin, and then gave us HIS righteousness!!

I am leaving a lot out but I want to point out where God continues to burden my heart.

We sang in worshipful song at different points during the sermon, and I was hit hard with some thoughts during all that!
This news, not everyone has it, God has asked us to go to people who don’t know his message!
We hear Jesus’s name almost daily and these people havn’t even heard his name one time!!

My thought is… what are YOU going to do about that? How are you involved in reaching people who don’t know him and who don’t experience his presence the way that you do?

As we sit in church this morning and praise God for his glory and for what he has done, and experience the presence of God right here right now, I want to remember this powerful moment, as we are in the depths in Africa preparing for ministry or experiencing difficulty, I want to remember WHY we are doing this, it’s because these people have yet to experience the presence and relationship with the living God as we have. This alone should motivate us to find out what our role is in reaching those people who have yet to hear!!

In the middle of worshipping God my heart cannot help but pound with pain because of those who do not know him!!

God please have mercy on those who have yet to hear your name!!

I have a home. We have been in our new house for 1 week today.

TJ got home late Thursday night after working with his dad’s company, doing a job he committed to doing with them as they needed some extra help. While he was gone, Elin (TJ’s younger sister) had come over to hang out with me and help for a couple days. She helped me clear the living room of all the boxes, put the rug down and vacuumed it! She helped me go to Costco and Trader Joe’s with the girls to get all the necessary house and food needs 🙂 It pleased my heart to enter stores that feel like home, and fill my cupboards with familiar goods. Also this is the first time I have been to the Trader Joe’s in Orlando, and the pleasure was all mine! 🙂 When TJ got home late Thursday night he was pleased to see that so much had been done. The next day, we got a Christmas tree, and decorated it solely with all the ornaments I’ve been making myself. TJ got right on fixing up things and putting things together, I am so thankful for him.

Unfortunately not too long after TJ came home I got sick and was down for the count for a couple days.

Just like anyone we are going through struggles of another transition. Even if it’s from the travel trailer we lived in to the house we’re in now, there is still a transition period. Our girls have been struggling with their attitude, obedience, and the way they treat each other, from when TJ was gone up till now. TJ and I have been struggling in our marriage this week. These things are difficult and life seems a little off when we struggle and when we’re finding our way if you know what I mean. But we push through!

Today is the first day I am feeling mostly normal and so we were able to get ALOT done, and I am feeling like this is my home, and am able to start feeling a little more settled… for the first time in a long time. I also feel really blessed by the Lord, ALL of our furniture is loaned or given to us by people we know, everything we need! The bonus is that I really love our couch, and our kitchen table, and our living room furniture semi matches! I know it’s not the nicest stuff in the world, but I don’t care. What I care about is that I have all things necessary to have people in my home, it is set up to feed people, love them and get to know them… my true passion in life! 🙂

Ava and Penny are excited about their room and all their toys. Ava has been LOVING playing with her dollhouse stuff that she hasn’t seen in a year, as well as watching their room come together. She loves helping, and cleaning and making things look neat. I can see her face light up as she plays in her room that is all ready for her. One of the cabinets in their room has a low spot to hang all their dress up clothes, and Penny is loving putting every single one on several times a day. Dressing up and “spinning” seems to be her purpose in life at the moment. Today Ava and Penny got along great, which was such a blessing (they normally get a long fairly well, but not this week!) They played outside quite a bit together, painting together, running around the yard, and Ava pushing Penny on the swing (that TJ fixed) for maybe ½ hour straight.

This morning while the girls played for a few hours TJ and I drank coffee together and had one of our planning meetings. We were strategizing for our time here in Florida and figuring out what it will look like to accomplish our goals as well as figuring out what our goals are, and then attacking a few areas of planning that out. I love these meetings because it means we are actually able to think clearly, we are in a place to give of ourselves fully to what we’re doing. And you’re wondering: have you not been able to do that? No, we haven’t. It doesn’t mean that God hasn’t used our time of waiting to grow us and to ask us to be patient and trust him. He has used it to teach me more about being content where he has me, and waiting on him is not bad, it’s just not what I expected. There has been a lot for me to process as we have moved from California to Florida, it was much more difficult than I had imagined. I just figured it would be the next thing and that it would be hard to say goodbyes, but you do what you have to do. My heart has actually ached thinking about California, and relationships there, and all that we experienced through living there as a family.

This is our first week in our home, and it has been 2 months since we have been able to call a place our home that we have actually made our own home! Refreshing? Yes!

As we step into what God has next here for us in Cocoa Florida, will you pray that we will hear God’s voice clearly? That we will accomplish HIS goals? And that people we come into contact with will feel burdened for us and for our ministry as we move forward into reaching unreached people groups? Thank you.

all homemade ornaments, and our lovely tree 🙂

Our new living room

kitchen

view from the kitchen