“How are you doing?”  is the main question… so how am I doing?  I am doing pretty good actually, as soon as I asked for prayer and shared this burden with those of you who are praying, the burden was instantly lifted off, and I felt like we were fighting this battle together rather than by myself.  TJ and I have felt like there is no need to mourn if we don’t have a reason to mourn.  We are not afraid of doing that, but nothing has proven that yet.

I have been avoiding asking God questions and yet as I sit here this morning reflecting back on what God has made clear and how he has spoken to us, I am confronted with something.  God has lead me/us on this entire journey, honestly.  He burdened people, he brought me to the right doctors, he lead us and spoke to us clearly the whole way… why would he be any different now?  Here I am “waiting”  to find out what this is, but God is just asking me to live in him daily, to trust him completely.  That’s easy to say, but if your waiting to find out whether or not the child within you is alive, and he’s asking you to put that in his hands its a tangible real trust.  I don’t necessarily enjoy this position, but I must say it is causing me to put all my hope and trust in him, and trust that he’s got this, that he is faithful and that he is not going to put me to shame… whatever the outcome is going to be his will and in time he will make himself clear.

I do not believe that we heard God wrong or misunderstood him, He gave us clear direction and we felt free in that, so I can’t help but wonder if he wants me to feel free now too, in these completely unknown days.

I am waiting to find out what my HCG levels are, and I told TJ yesterday that I was anxious to know, and he said that didn’t matter to him, he didn’t care what the levels were, he believes God is able to do great things and he will pray for that until we know different.  So I am along side my husband praying for life for this baby, that God would show himself faithful to us through this baby.

Thank you for your prayers on our behalf, you have been such an encouragement… I believe prayer is powerful and changes things!